Well here it is. The big one. Everything that a decade of Marvel and eighteen movies have led up to. No ones expectations could be higher, it had so much to live up to… And you know what? It NAILED it. Avengers: Infinity war is what everything was always leading up to. The Avenger are all assembled, with a massive number of them now, all to fight Thanos as he is nearing completion in uniting all of the Infinity stones and wiping out half of the universe. This is probably one of the most exciting movies I have ever seen for many reasons, probably the biggest though being that I got to see crossovers from heroes I only dreamed of seeing together! What is really cool is that no one seems to be left behind. Certain characters may only be in here for what feels like minutes but it always feels like they contributed exactly what they needed to. Because of that though it is also a stupidly long movie. Don’t misunderstand me, that is certainly not a complaint, I could have happily sat through it if it was triple the length… Much like every Marvel movie the comedy is prevalent and there without ever really taking away from the tone of the movie, which is ever-changing. As you switch between heroes you follow the tone and feel of the movie changes on a dime. When we go to the Guardians you get some cool 80’s jam and humor, then it switches to Wakanda and we get the tribal music everyone associates with Black Panther. However, the comedy isn’t there as much as other Marvel movies and you have to go into this realizing it isn’t going to pull punches like other Marvel movies either. Right from the opening scene it proves that there are going to be much darker takes in here than anywhere else and it keeps proving that right up until the bitter end. It’s difficult to write a review for the most anticipated movie in a decade without giving anything away so I’m going to leave it here. After watching this, you will have just as much you want to say as I want to!
Probably going to be one of the only good movies based off of a game and it’s Rampage… That is extremely hilarious to me… Rampage, if you don’t know, is an old video game with a very simple concept. Destroy the city faster than your friends destroy the city. Be either a huge gorilla, wolf, or crocodile. Not only does it appear that the essence of meaningless destruction and awesomeness was captured in this, but they also threw in Dwayne Johnson for good measure! I’m going to go see this in theaters not because there is ANY part of me that thinks this will be a good film, but because it will be super bad ass to watch on the big screen with surround sound.
PS. If that wolf or gorilla die I will be very upset.
You want to know what makes me mad? This is actually a good story. If you lay down the bullet points for this movie, take out all the weird BDSM stuff, and don’t make it too over the top dramatic, it could be damn good. But, NOPE, they kept the weird (fake) BDSM stuff, roided the fuck out of the drama, slapped on some shitty writing and glazed over actors, and BAM! Released a shit storm of a movie that makes me angry to this day. You know I watched this months ago, forgot it even existed, and then saw it in my feed and was like, “Shit, I watched that didn’t I? I should probably review it.” This is the most forgettable piece of garbage film that ever came about. It makes twilight look like a god damn masterpiece in film making and love. I want them to cast Kristen Stewart in the next one to add a little emotion to this movie. I want Michael Bay to direct it, add in some some explosions to grab my attention and then M Night to come in a and throw me for a loop so I don’t want to claw my eyes out watching a couple more of these… Yes, I realize I haven’t told you anything about the actual movie… The main chick who’s name is dumb is getting followed by one of the rich guys old flings and realizes he has a type. Also at some point in this they get back together and have a normal relationship which the girl thinks he doesn’t want. There is some turmoil with a different fling of his who is trying to break them up, and also a helicopter crashes. Didn’t follow any of that? Who gives a shit, this movie is trash.
I don’t normally write anything with lists, I more like to leave it unspoken. However, I believe this requires at least a little explanation… The pictures above list the order in which I believe is best to worst in the Transformers series.
Very clearly the first movie is a big high point in the series. It was the first time that we had gotten Transformers on the big screen in live action. The plot was very simple as well as interesting, making a good “origin story” for why the transformers are on earth, as well as where they came from. Shia was actually quite good in this, his high point in the series, as well as Megan Fox’s.
Dark of The Moon, although a stupid title, outrageously long, and far fetched at many points is a LOT of fun. It is the last movie that Shia is in, welcoming along Rosie Huntington-Whiteley as his new love interest (who I wish would have stuck around). This is the movie that shit starts to get kicked up a notch. Like I said, it is a bit more far fetched than the rest up to this point but I don’t expect realism out of my Transformers movies.
The Last Knight is the most recent Transformers movie and the second one since Mark Wahlberg took over the series. Mark is a far more experienced and superior actor to Shia and can keep a bad movie going with his screen time. Which, he had a lot of with the stupid run time of this movie. It is LOADS better than his first Transformers movie (though I don’t blame him), yet it is still quite bad. The only reason it is number three on this list is it brought some originality to the series after far too long of the same bland thing.
Age of Extinction… I’ll be honest, this movie is downright terrible. The first 20 minutes or so that follow Wahlberg as a failed inventor scrounging scrap with TJ Miller was better than the rest of this film. The only reason it is not at the bottom is because of how bad Revenge of the Fallen actually is.
Revenge of the Fallen… A huge pile of shit movie that almost ruined the franchise and leaves me saying for every movie, “Well… at least its not worse than two!”. The script is terrible and downright laughable at times, the new transformers make absolutely no sense and break every rule of the transformers that we have come to know, the plot is stupid as hell, the characters seem to be completely different people, and they gave a giant robot some BALLS. Enough said.
These types of movies are my guilty pleasure, so I enjoyed the hell out of this. I’m not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell you this is a good movie though, because it is very clearly not. Baywatch is a movie adaptation/continuation of the original TV show that we all associate slow motion bouncing boobs to. It follows Mitch (Dwayne Johnson) as one of the best lifeguards in the business, but often takes his job too far thinking he has official police-like authority. Matt (Zac Efron) is a young Olympic athlete that fell from grace and is being forced to be a lifeguard for them for probation. He’s young, cocky, thinks he is better than everyone, and you see where this is going… The movie is far fetched, with them stopping a drug/illegal real-estate operation. Honestly it’s confusing and weird, but I have no problem with it. I have no problem with it because although I never saw the show I realize it kinda goes of the deep end with stories. So, in my eyes, the movie is just staying true! What I do have a problem with however is that this balls-to-the-wall, hold-no-bars comedy I was expecting with powerhouses of acting prowess barely made me laugh AT ALL. That is my problem, and that is why I can not in good conscious recommend it, despite my enjoyment of it.
The 100 has been one of my favorite TV shows since I first saw the first season on Netflix three years back. The first season still remains, in my opinion, one of the best seasons of television ever made. Since then however I feel like the show has been on a slow downwards spiral. Season 2 was good, changing up the whole dynamic of the series. Season 3 however left a bad taste in my mouth with Ally and the city of light. Going in to season 4 I was still excited, yet very wary of what the show would give me. I was pleasantly surprised! With bigger stakes and more on the line than any season before hand, season 4 started out with immanent death of radiation on the horizon in only six months. Not only that but people were dealing with the aftermath of the city of light, all the while having no commander and no night-blood to take the flame. In true 100 fashion I thought I knew what was going to happen from the very beginning, but got every single prediction off by a mile. A new twist and turn was thrown at me around every corner and episode. Besides just bringing the show back to its best dynamic, which is the people from the ark attempting to assimilate to the ground and clans, the last few episodes were damn good binge-worthy television. The best way I can describe the last few episodes without giving much away is a hunger games like battle with stakes that will change everything. Which they did. Season 5 promises to be different than anything we have ever seen out of this show, as the season finale shows us, and because of season 4 my obsession has resurfaced.
The original 2014 Guardians of the Galaxy is, in my “professional” opinion, the best movie of 2014. It blew everyone’s minds as well as their expectations out of the water when it came out, and remained the most talked about and watched movie all year. I was in the same boat as everyone else. I watched it countless times and for a long time it was my go-to “background-noise-movie”. So, naturally, I was excited beyond belief of the prospect of a sequel, but, the closer it got the more uncertain I was. Guardians of the Galaxy was a near perfection and out of left field superhero movie that no one expected from Marvel, and I was worried they would cash in on that and overdue all the old jokes… Thank god I was wrong!.. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 follows your favorite misfit group of galaxy crime fighters. They are working as hired guns more or less, until they end up finding Quill’s dad and a whole bunch of fuckery goes down. I can’t tell you much about the plot or else it would ruin the movie, but, I will tell you what I can about the movie and tone itself… The original movie had so much going for it, the strongest of which were the soundtrack, humor, action, acting, and relate-ability of Star Lord. This movie is not AS good as the first one. I’m not saying it is bad, because it’s not, it’s fantastic, just not nearly as good. It was however much funnier, and somehow much darker at the same time… That right there would have to be my favorite part of the movie. It somehow bounced back and forth, scene to scene, from hilarious to dark and sad. It added much needed depth to the movie as well as the characters… Now, Characters. Chris Pratt obviously killed it as Star Lord, the character he was born to play. Zoe Saldana added more depth to her portrayal of Gamora, playing her part of the will they/won’t they romance very well. Dave Bautista surprised me once again with his impeccable comic timing and stand out acting chops. Bradley Cooper is nearly unrecognizable as the voice of rocket, and Vin says his three words well yet again… The stand out role however is Michael Rooker as Yondu. Yondu has an amazing character and story arc just for him, playing a much larger part in this movie than the last. Rooker delivers as many hilarious lines as he does heart-wrenching. I loved seeing the backstory of Yondu and the difficulties he goes through because of his past decisions… Better than that you get more depth on his relationship with Quill that went unfinished in the previous movie… Not many sequels are good. Fewer are great. It is once in a great while that one is a perfect continuation of the original, and that is what Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 did.
I know it seems strange that the first and only Twilight movie I am reviewing is the last one, but, I happened to watch it recently so here I am! Twilight follows Bella, an emotionless teen, and at one point was about her strange three way love triangle with a sparkly vampire and a large dog. At this point in the series though she is married to Captain Twinkle-Face and Wolfy has accepted it. Not only that but Resting-Bitch-Face is now Mrs. Twinkle and has turned into a vampire and had a half-vampire child. This makes the leaders of the Twinkle-Bitches upset, naturally, and now all the sparkle-pires are banning together to fight… This movie is the least awful of all them, however, that is similar to saying “well, this piece of shit is good because it smells less than these other pieces of shit”. The acting of literally every person in this entire movie is bad to the point that it is uncomfortable to watch. Which, is hard to do considering I enjoy laughing at campy movies. Not only that but the story itself pokes holes in itself every few minutes and contradicts every other film in the series. Like, why the hell don’t the vampires sparkle anymore?! On top of all that the one true action sequence it the entire series, and the only redeemable part of this movie, is taken away from us in the worst way. If for some reason you are reading this review before watching every movie leading up to this one, just save yourself the trouble and watch literally anything else.